Stop Leading by Other People's Expectations
A client told me recently that he realized he had finally let go of his need for constant feedback. He could see how much he had depended on it to feel like he was on the right track.
Over time, he had outgrown the need for external validation. He started to curate the feedback he received and chose to act on what was truly useful.
But building the confidence to stop depending on outside approval is only the first layer of evolving into your next level.
The real goal is to get clear on who you are becoming and what you want, and separate that from what others want for you.
Harvard developmental psychologist Robert Kegan describes this as the transition from the socialized mind to the self-authoring mind.
In the socialized mind, your sense of what's right comes from the expectations around you.
In the self-authoring mind, you choose from your own inner compass.
This is why it's so hard to know what you want vs. what others want for you.
It's also part of why you hesitate to go all in, and why you hold back. When the vision isn't fully yours, it's hard to commit to it.
The retreat was hosted at my friend Margo's Wanderment Farms, a gorgeous ocean-facing estate in Montecito.
We took a day to slow down, get anchored into our values and who we are, and amplify our vision of what we want to build next.
I'd been thinking about creating this experience for a while, and seeing it come to life in such a beautiful way was truly magical.
Here is a video that beautifully captures the day, check it out!
This was the theme that inspired my first women's retreat, called Anchor & Amplify, which I ran two weeks ago. I love seeing the alchemy that gets created with an awesome group of women.
One of the insights that rose to the surface was how to manage the gap between the security of what you've built and the pull toward building something new.
The first step to close that gap is releasing what's keeping you from expanding.
What have you outgrown? What are you no longer willing to give your energy to? Whose expectations are you living by, your own or the ones you believe others have of you?
Once you release what no longer serves you, there's room to expand into a higher version of yourself and create a higher version of your reality.
I've been reflecting on how this transition, from what you think others believe is right to what you believe is right, is the biggest needle mover in your growth.
The same is true for teams.
When leaders or teams can't separate their own creative thinking from what they think leadership or others expect, they hold back creative ideas and limit their true potential.
Here is a checklist to help you reflect this week:
Checklist: Where Are You Holding Back?
☐ I need outside approval to feel like I'm on the right track.
☐ I'm not sure where what I want ends and what others expect of me begins.
☐ I ask for input on decisions I already know how to make.
☐ I stay with what feels safe, even when something new is pulling at me
☐ I hold back ideas in meetings until I know how leadership will react.
☐ I'm giving my energy to things I've outgrown.
Need Help Turning This Insight Into an Action Plan?
Gathering insights is a good start.
Turning insights into real action inside your organization, with real stakeholders and high-stakes work, is where things get harder.
That's exactly what we do inside the brand new:
Anchor & Amplify Intensive
Two private 90-minute sessions to help you move forward with confidence. We'll work through the same blueprint from my Anchor & Amplify retreat, focused entirely on you.
Session 1: Anchor. Get clear on what you want now, and release the story keeping you stuck.
Session 2: Amplify. Expand your vision, choose where to focus, and build your Q4 plan.
You'll leave with your completed blueprint, a clear Q4 plan to support you to end the year strong.
Investment: $750 for both sessions. Five spots are open for a limited time, through October 9th.
BOOK YOUR ANCHOR & AMPLIFY SESSION
I believe in you, and I’m rooting for you!
Ramona
P.S. Planning a team offsite or a women's leadership gathering for next year? I bring Anchor & Amplify inside companies. Hit reply and I'll send you the details.
