What self-doubt actually means

The leaders I know who are great at leading their teams almost never feel qualified to do it at first.

I've noticed this thread across years of coaching senior leaders at some of the fastest-growing companies in tech. When you get to watch people grow over time, patterns emerge.

Have you met one of those people who share vulnerably about their fears and yet take bold steps out of their comfort zone, and then knock it out of the park? It’s one of my favorite parts of coaching people over time.

Bold action that comes from a place of genuine motivation and integrity tends to get recognized.

One of my clients was promoted twice in 12 months, and when we started working together she was afraid she wasn't keeping up with the role she had back then. She was second guessing her work and worried how she was perceived.

But here’s the thing: anxiety is not a sign you're not capable.

It's a sign you're doing something that matters to you.

That you understand what the next level requires.

I feel this too. Every time a new amazing business opportunity comes in, one I worked for, one I know I can deliver on, my stomach still gets achy. There's that initial excitement, and then immediately a list of how things could go wrong. I seem to be great at worst-case scenario planning :-).

Our brains are wired for this, trying to protect us.

The problem is we're used to interpreting that nervousness as a signal we're not ready. And so we sabotage our progress before we even begin something.

It's a pattern you might also see in people you manage.

Adam Grant often references the Dunning-Kruger research, which found that people in the bottom quartile of performance estimated themselves to be in the 62nd percentile. They did not know enough to see their own gaps.

The top performers, on the other hand, were the most doubtful, because they knew how much they didn’t know.

The more competent we are, the more we tend to underestimate ourselves.

Grant calls the antidote confident humility. It’s the ability to trust yourself while being aware of how much you’re yet to learn.

“Courage is mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”

~Mark Twain

So if you’re about to launch an important piece of work, or leading a new team, remember, self-doubt is normal. It's actually proof that you’re aware of what you’re stepping in to.

So the question that moves things forward is not "am I actually ready to do this?" You'll never fully feel that.

The question is simply: "what's the next step?"

That’s it. One step at a time is really all our nervous system can take when the stakes are high.

A tool for you to practice:

Every Friday starting today, write down one thing you did well AND one thing you are learning.

Practice holding both truths at the same time. You are highly capable AND still growing. This “yes-and” practice (vs. “either-or”) is so helpful.

Similarly, for someone you manage, when they hesitate ask them: what would you need to learn to do this well?

BTW this is me a few weeks ago, right after leading a workshop for a fast-growing team at Anthropic. I walked out of that room with a full heart.