Master your mindset under pressure

A couple of weeks ago, I was preparing to lead a workshop for an organization. It was a brand-new client, and I really wanted to make it great.

My intention was positive, but my desire to knock it out of the park sent my brain into overdrive. I slipped into hyper-achieving, perfectionist mode, going through more iterations than necessary, and I ended up wasting precious time until I realized what was happening.

It made me reflect on something I often see in my clients too:

Say you prepare for a big client meeting. Or your company just went through another round of layoffs, and your team needs you to lead calmly amid uncertainty.

Or you have a high-stakes decision on your plate.

And suddenly, your thoughts are racing. You start second-guessing and over-preparing. You tighten your grip, micro-managing your team, trying to be flawless.

But in the process, you lose perspective, clarity, and strategic thinking.

You’re so preoccupied with not making mistakes that you miss important insights that could actually move the needle for your stakeholders.

Here’s what I’ve realized:

We don’t miss opportunities because we lack knowledge or experience.

We miss out because we get distracted by automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) - unhelpful messages that hijack our emotional state:

“You better get this right. You’re behind.”

“You have to hold it all together, because if you don’t, no one else will.”

These sorts of thoughts feel helpful because they give us a rush of adrenaline. But they are fueled by fear and urgency, not by the creative energy of our best self.

When I ask people what’s the biggest thing standing in the way of their success, guess what almost everyone says?

Myself.

I feel this truth every day, especially now that I’m more aware of my patterns.

Our self-sabotaging thoughts take over when we’re tired or under pressure. We all feed the pressure of the hustle culture, especially in uncertain times:

Do more, prove more, be more.

You might say - so what’s wrong with doing more? It got me where I am today.

And you’re right. That’s why we want to acknowledge and love our inner Hyper-Achiever and Controller/Perfectionist, not chastise them.

But when these skills are overused, they negatively impact what actually matters:

Your strategic thinking.
Your authentic voice.
Your relationships.

As I was writing the training content and noticed my triggered state, I wanted to push through, but I resisted the urge.

I looked up at the mirrored closet doors next to my desk, where I’d written a mantra I learned from Jack Kornfield in my mindfulness teacher training:

Pause. Relax. Open.

Just reading those words calmed my body. I took a few deep breaths.

And then I asked myself my favorite perspective-shifting question:

What actually matters here?

The answer wasn’t “polish the deck more.” It was: “remember what your audience needs.”

When it comes to doing a great job in a presentation or client pitch, it’s not about how good you look. It’s about how well you connect with your audience to co-create impact.

And you can’t do that if your focus is on impressing them or convincing them of your idea.

You can only connect when you get past your ego and listen deeply to what they say and how they say it. You pick up on nuances and can respond proactively.

I’m sharing this because so many of us are moving through life reacting instead of responding thoughtfully.

And it’s exhausting.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

— Anaïs Nin

So let me ask you:

Where are you self-sabotaging today? What would it feel like to lead from a place of clarity and calm, no matter what’s happening around you?

Let’s not let our circumstances or Saboteurs dim our brilliance.

Because the world right now needs clear, calm, thoughtful leaders.