The Courage Shift: how to lead with confidence, not fear
One of the hardest decisions I had to make years ago was turning down a dream job. It had everything I wanted: a prestigious company, great salary, smart people.
I remember the minutes before the final call with HR, when they were making the official offer, feeling this huge rock in my stomach.
I asked my husband to sit beside me, holding my sweaty hand, as I told HR I was turning down the job, feeling guilty but clear that I wanted to shift to consulting. They were confused yet gracious.
A month later, they came back with a one-year consulting offer that changed my life. It gave me the extra space to write, research, and eventually discover coaching.
I’ve thought about that decision many times—how difficult it was to say no to something that looked amazing yet didn’t feel right. I’m still surprised by the faith I had in my intuition. And it paid off.
On the surface it may have looked like a crazy decision, but the roots ran deep. After the sudden passing of my sister a few years earlier, my perspective had changed—and so did my values.
I wanted more time with my kids, who were growing fast, and space to discover who I really am beyond the corporate career I had worked so hard for.
Life keeps teaching us how to make difficult choices—and it rewards us when we are truthful, brave, and willing to surrender to what comes next.
When You’re Torn Between Safety and Truth
In the past few weeks, I’ve witnessed several clients stand at that same crossroads.
One client, about to be promoted, wrestled with whether to tell his manager early about his upcoming paternity leave or wait until after the promotion was announced. It felt like the right thing to do, but was it smart?
As we talked it through, he realized this was a decision about living into his values. Strategically, it was also an opportunity to build trust with his manager and make a solid plan together.
“I want to act like the world I want to live in,” he said. “One where honesty, integrity, and collaboration trump office politics.”
Once he got clear on that, the fear eased. He texted me later that day: the conversation went great.
Another client had to decide whether to negotiate or turn down a strong offer from a founder that didn’t feel aligned. Once she got clear on her values, she felt a deep sense of peace. It became clear that what she really wanted was to walk away and launch her own startup.
And another client accepted a role she was excited about even though it didn’t have the title she thought she should have by now. She chose purpose over status.
Career decisions are complex because they don’t always have a clear “right” answer.
The wise approach is to sense our way through them—to take a stance that feels clean to our conscience and to experiment our way forward.
The Psychology Behind Brave Choices
When it comes to the motivation behind our choices, psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, describe three core needs in their theory of Self-Determination:
Autonomy — the freedom to choose based on what matters most.
Competence — the belief that you have the skills and can keep growing.
Connection — a sense of belonging to people and purpose.
I had such an ah-ha when I learned about this framework, because it explains why the “safer” decision can make us feel stuck or resentful.
My client who told his manager early about his paternity leave chose autonomy by being true to his values, competence by believing he’d earned the promotion, and connection by helping his team plan ahead of time.
That decision not only built his legacy as a leader, but it also strengthened his sense of self-trust.
His inner Sage won the inner conflict with his inner saboteurs.
That session moved me so much and gave me hope in humanity. No matter what crazy things are happening out there right now, our inner nature is good.
The biggest barrier to our growth is avoidance—believing our fear and inner skeptic’s well-written stories.
We each can choose to practice expanding our capacity to make brave decisions by leading with our Sage Self rather than our inner saboteurs trying to protect us.
When life tests your courage, it’s not asking you to push harder, it’s inviting you to see differently.
This is my signature workshop I have taught several times over the years, and it is powerful.
It’ll help you shift your perspective and reclaim your sense of agency—especially in the hardest moments, when nothing seems to work, when the job rejections keep coming, or when layoffs, shrinking budgets, or burnout make you question your next step.
You’ll Learn How To:
Identify your default energy levels under stress — and shift from frustration to focus.
Reframe rejection, setbacks, and uncertainty into growth and possibility.
Strengthen emotional resilience and self-trust in moments of doubt.
Access your Sage Self — the calm, wise inner leader that sees beyond fear.
Apply practical tools from neuroscience and coaching to stay grounded and purposeful.
With love and courage,
Ramona
